what am i good for?
i pay the mortgage
i pay the electric
i pay the natural gas bill
i buy the food
i plan the meals
i cook the food
and after you load a few plates and scrub a pan and leave it to dry
i put away the dishes to start the food all over again
if i don’t cook, 9 times out of 10 i pay the bill at the restauruant
i show up at your company functions
i drive you there
i take all the pictures so we have records of our family
i feed the cats
i make sure the dogs are fed and watered when you forget
i make sure the house gets cleaned
i am the ultimate back up when something is wrong at school and pick up is needed
i pay if you want to go to a movie
if you want snacks at the movie, i pay for those too
if you decide to ask me on a whim or it is Sunday, i am ‘willing’ in bed (although not lately)
if it needs to be done, i notice it
if someone needs to do something, i am the reminder
if school fees and registration are needed, i do that
if you don’t want to do what I ask, you ignore me, hoping it will go away
if you don’t want to do what I ask, you ‘forget’
if you leave your laundry in mid cycle, i will finish it, fold it and all every blessed time
if you leave anything unfinished, cause you don’t time, i find the time to finish it for you

what am i to others?
someone to talk to when they are bored or not busy
someone to ask to do things for them
someone who has the means to get things done, either finanically or time wise
someone you can ignore when you do not have time to talk to me
someone you can look past when you see no need to talk to me
someone who you dislike enough to ruin any joy in my life
someone who works for you
someone who can get stuff done when you need it
someone is dependably there when you require something of me
someone who can play an expected role and nothing more
someone you may read a blog online if i remind you
someone who goes to church and listens and knows she is really not healthy enough to participate
someone you may respond to or not, for whatever reason
someone you might call or email or im or text, but most often you do not

who am i?
no one who gets asked how i am
no one who cries and cries and scares the dogs enough to hide when others aren’t around
no one who can slap on an acceptable face so that others don’t need to be bothered by her
no one who can tell her pain to in other than short small bits on the internet
no one who has only a paid therapist who slowly slices through her life bit by bit, dissecting it
no one who has sad eyes people look past
no one who seems to care about much anymore
no one who prays and can’t feel God and wonders what can be done about that anyway
no one who likes to keep cutting and cutting and cutting
no one who wants to fill her body with cut words of despair, hopelessness
no one who is old and fat and ugly and a nuisance to deal with, really
no one who want so really continue this path of life
no one



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